Revelation.

All these questions, what once was hostility, attack after attack, the goal to defeat me. Helpless I used to run, like a dog being chased by a man with a gun after digging up his yard, tail between my legs, not even sure of the legs I was standing on. Tottering between standing and falling off the cliff into the abyss of humanism and self-sufficiency, not having the answers I’m expected to say. Before I’d leave interactions replaying the conversations over and over until I thought myself into a well to deep to climb out of. A well I felt trapped in, the waters of doubt crashing onto my ‘well-constructed’ house, our talks just made me want to walk away since I lacked the words you wanted me to say.

I thought if I didn’t have all the answers, I couldn’t live with integrity of the mind, so I kept trying to find a way to master God with my mind. And when you brought up those questions, tears would later flood my eyes as I agonized over what I didn’t know. There were times you tried to tear me apart, to destroy me by ripping out my foundation, by cutting out my heart, vein by vein, everything you’d say would be aimed at my destruction.

And I was helpless. I did not know the reality of my defenses. Your questions left me senseless, resenting what I once clung to.

But now. Now I know I may never hold every answer. Now I’m not crippled by my own self-sufficiency, dependence on me, with my feeble arms and weak knees. Now I am free. Free to see the confidence I can find in Jesus. The exact imprint of God, who knows my deepest thoughts and every last answer my mind claws for mastery over.

Now I have realized that I need not convince, I need not seek to relieve your every question by the strength of my own mind. I cannot talk you into belief, but I can lead my life as I know, not bereft of fullness. I can still ask my questions and yours, striving for the truth we both knows out there to find, but I choose to press in, yet preserve integrity of the mind. I can rest in the rest that’s found by abiding. I can’t offer you resolution to all of your issues, but I can walk side by side, living and residing in your life. I can share what I know, I can listen and learn, I can even do research on those questions, but I cannot tell you the amazing grace of knowing I need not explain entirely my faith, but I can rest in the Truth that God is good, his love is pure and his faithfulness endures.

After all these things, when all’s said and done, I can’t offer what you think you want, but I can offer you one thing the world can’t give. I can offer you transforming Love.