The Luxury

I still struggle with the seeming injustice of it all.

That I get the luxury of wrestling with the direction of my future.

That I get the extravagance of working out, of going out, of getting out of my situation for a short respite to give way to thought.

That I get the comfort of reading the news, as awful as it may be, in the safety of my own room.

I don’t worry about how to survive.

I’m not preoccupied with how I will fill my aching stomach, struggling to sleep in the insecurity of my situation.

I don’t live in fear of bombings, living a life where I recognize that today could be my last.

Instead I have the luxury of decision. My future isn’t set before me due to the lives of my family or the situation that surrounds me. I have a choice. The luxury of  choice.

Yet I complain and fret and worry about how I will make that decision. Between multiple good things.

I can use my choice to live as I please, maybe selfishly, not realizing the luxury I live in.

Or I can make a choice to stand beside those without that luxury. To offer my hand. To try to understand. To offer them the luxury of my choice. After all, I have a responsibility to humanity.

I have the luxury of theology. Of wrestling with what I believe. I have the privilege of thought and logic and seeking what life really means. My needs are met and most of what I want. Yet I get so caught up on the knowledge I don’t have that I don’t realize that.

I have a luxury. Yet I take it for granted. I don’t recognize its possibilities. I get stuck on how crippling choice can be. How the paralysis of analysis can inhibit any choice being made at all. Is there one best choice? Maybe. Is there a wrong choice? Maybe. But regardless, I now am beginning to see that I have the luxury of choice. And I’ve decided I want to use that luxury to fulfill my responsibility to humanity. To be a part of the ushering in of redemption and restoration. To humbly offer myself to a cause, to a Being greater than me. For I am simply another person, but I have the luxury. And I don’t want to squander it.