Blessing or Curse?

I think lately I’ve realized that I have this tendency to roll things over and over in my mind, seeking to gain a deeper understanding and see a new perspective of the issue at hand, but I’ve seen that it’s not always well received.

Some feel like it’s going round and round in circles, wasting time and energy to say the same thing again and again.

And maybe there’s some truth to that. 

Just look at how I've been writing about the same thing, saying basically the same ideas in different ways. 

Maybe it’s part of the obsessive thoughts that cause me to keep running back to things I’ve already thought through, causing my mind to become enveloped with the thought, examining it from every side, hoping in it to gain some new insight.

Or maybe I just don’t like the thought, and so I roll it around in my brain hoping that it’ll morph and one of these times it won’t be the same as it originally was; somehow it'll be transformed into something easier to swallow.

I’ve come to realize that this is both a blessing and a curse.

I would much rather not have this issue of obsessive thought. I know I can’t change anything by just thinking harder, and it often causes frustration for friends and partners.

But sometimes it does lead to a change in perspective, greater empathy or a slightly different lens through which to see things.

I’m learning that the best way to strip these obsessive thoughts of their power isn’t to try to force them out of my head or shame myself for being drawn back into the same thought over and over again. Trying not to think about it or judging myself for being distracted by it only makes its grip stronger.

I’m still not exactly sure how to maintain a healthy relationship with these thoughts that linger, but I’m learning that change is an inevitable part of our existence. That no matter where my mind stands today, it’s apt to change. And that’s okay.

Overthinking and obsessing may be able to be redeemed into a gift that helps me to see that which others may not always see, but I also see that getting lost in the sea of thoughts can cause me not to be present.

I don’t think I’ll ever lose the part of my identity that tends to overthink things, and I’ll likely keep examining all sides of situations, but maybe that can be shifted into a healthy relationship with thoughts and perspectives. 

Transform me by the renewing of my mind.