After Life

Moved to tears. Feeling feelings in depths I didn't know existed. Watching another man's pain after he's lost something that meant the world to him. Seeing him wrestle. Seeing him fall. Seeing him hurt others in his pain. Seeing him begin to find life again. Then fall again and cause more pain to others. Feeling his feelings, hurting with him, yet finding myself so caught up in the story that I can't help but cry for joy when he finds the slightest bit of hope and beauty and happiness. 

He feels helpless and hopeless. He feels like there's no reason to go on. And if he does, he can live however the f*** he wants. It's not important who he hurts in the process. 

But that's not where the story ends. No. We get to watch as he struggles. As he finds friendship in the most unlikely of places. As he finds himself smiling despite himself. We get to see the care of humanity as others care deeply for him even though he hasn't done the least bit for them. 

We see the shift in him. The shift that happens over time, filled with relapses and pain. But the shift that means there's more. That means it's not all hopeless.
Watching him rediscover that hope, that spark, that desire to live. Seeing him realize he's been an ass. Watching him become aware that others struggle, too, that we never know someone's story until we invest the time to listen and be. Listening to him express appreciation for those who never gave up on him. To see the power in his first steps to healing. And to see the impact that has on those who love him. 

"Hope is everything"

I haven't been this moved to tears by a show for as long as I can remember. He's in so much pain. And his story is so powerful that it's planting sobs deep inside my throat that are surging their way to the surface. Tears streaming down my face. But why? I'm not really sure. 

I just know that there is so much life in this show. So much pain. So much beauty. So much hopelessness that's illuminated by the slightest spark of hope. There's laughter and heartache. There's levels of emotion I don't even have words to adequately express. All I know is that life can be so ugly and so hard and feel so hopeless. But happiness is not completely out of reach. Healing isn't impossible. Joy isn't forsaken. 

I don't even have words for how deeply this is moving me. It's reaching into the depths of my being and awakening something that I wasn't even aware of. Powerfully touching the depths of my soul, resulting in a flood of emotions rushing out through my eyes.

Maybe it's because I relate to it. Maybe because they just did a good job writing and making it. Maybe it's because life really is this dynamic ride filled with change and pain and redemption. 

Maybe, just maybe, there is life to be lived in the midst of the kingdom coming.