Learning to Swim and to Fly.

Over this past year there has been a theme of walking forward. Of coming empty to the present moment so that you can receive all that it has to offer. Not living in a land of would have/should have/could have, but instead embracing what is. Not crushing the present with false perception and expectation, but having eyes to see the beauty that this moment contains.

Since arriving in Costa Rica, it has been a constant fight to breathe in an ocean of “what if’s,” struggling to see the splendor of what is. With questions plaguing my mind, from the shallowness of the location I’m in and the program I chose to the depth of Truth and reality and if they can be known, I have found in that sea of “what if’s” is a good way to grow cold and lifeless.

There is such magnificence enveloping me in the stunning place of rich experiences and raw beauty, but I cannot receive them when I’m looking backwards, the “what if” parasite robbing me of fullness of Life. I cannot change the past, but I can learn from it and use it to advise those in the future who may encounter those same its. But I cannot go backwards in time, so today I will choose to walk forward, embracing the present in this life that is mine. I will recognize that there could have been a better decision, for nearly everything, but I cannot live the perfect life, so I can either wallow in the strife of regret or I can recognize it and chose to kill the shameless beast of regret with the knife that is the Life and Light of men. The God who offers Life to all who come to him, fullness of joy and true rest in the midst of struggling.

This is an experience that will never be repeated, so I have a choice to let the hypothetical rob me of that joy or to humble myself and open my eyes to the beauty of reality of unimaginable size.  So as I walk forward I will encounter the beauty of this country. I will learn immensely from each person I meet, presently surprised by their amiability. I will see around me both new things and old and I will walk forward in expectation of the Life that this adventure will hold.

            Yesterday I was drowning in a sea of regret, but today I’m learning both to swim and to fly, gaining a new and magnificent perspective of both what’s under the sea and the beauty I can see from the sky. This “what if” beast lost its grip on me as soon as I broke it’s gaze and turned the other way, and began to walk forward. I’m not saying it will be easy, but will say that it will be worth it. So today I will not drown, my lungs will not collapse, but I will walk into Costa Rica and soak in all that it has.