Now that I've been in Germany, the work-related anxiety has somewhat subsided. I'm able to think about other things, able to forget about work for a short while, able to see the things that used to make me smile. The clouds here are amazing. The colors, vibrant. The sunshine after the rain, brilliant.
But now another silent force is at play, a force that can either be exciting or crippling, one that many of us fear: uncertainty. We have no dates on when school will re-open, travel bans are starting, borders are closing. The panic is swelling all over the world, threatening to burst into mass chaos. I mean, we're already seeing toilet paper and soap stripped from stores and shelves. I've heard that I should figure out where I want to be stuck for the next 3 months and head there ASAP, but that's the issue. I don't know where to go. Back to China? Vietnam? Stay in Germany? Head back to the States? It's really a mystery where I should be, let alone where I want to be. I want to be near people I love, people who know me, who can help provide the deeply sought after stability. Somewhere that can satisfy the need for routine and familiarity. And it feels like the pressures on to figure that out right now, before I get stuck here in Emmalee's house (which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing).
At least I can count on an income (for now), unlike some people dear to me who are currently wandering without knowing how they'll pay for the next month's rent in a country where they are currently not even living, let alone the housing they're in for the time being, until things get straightened out and they know where they can be. They don't have the dependability of an income, or even a job when this is all over.
So the question now arises: what do I value the most and where should I go to see that followed through.
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