If I had a dollar for every time I've changed plans or had to re-evaluate in the last two months, I'd probably be halfway to 1k.
Just when I thought I had a plan, things change yet again. Schools are now closing in Germany, moving to online learning for the time being. When you add the 2.5 weeks of closing with the 2 weeks of spring break, you're looking at 5 more weeks of uncertainty. Now that my host might leave, I've got to think about where I want to be.
Is this a time to go back and be with family? To go somewhere where I can focus on my mental health? Be with people who know me? Find a place alone somewhere to process through all of the things that are happening?
Yesterday I got a breath of fresh air by going on a run, resting on a bench under the brilliant warmth of the sun, overlooking the green valley covered with grass and trees, the epitome of serenity. But then it's a harsh transition to come back to the reality that I currently don't have a home. I can't even legally enter the country where I live because my visa has expired in the midst of this chaotic scene. To renew it, I have to go back to the US or to HK and undergo possible quarantine just to attempt to apply and maybe not even get it.
The paralysis of analysis is setting in yet again, as I try to figure out where to go and when. I know I'm not the only one in this situation, so my heart goes out to all of those who are in a similar position. It's not easy. It's not stable. It a time characterized by uncertainty, yet I hope I can still find a way to find beauty.
No comments:
Post a Comment