A Prayer: Circa 2016ish

 Search me.

Well, at least that's what I want my prayer to be.

Yet I know reality is a bit different.

I am aware of the ugliness of my own heart

And therefore, I put a mask on it, a secret art of hiding

In the silence, I come face to face with who I am

And I can barely stand to stand in my own presence

I don't want to admit I am who I am

Because it's a harsh truth

I'm not who I want to be

So I hide

I don't want to own-up to my coming-up short

So I hide

Yet I am torn by this great tension inside my own mind

I recognize the beauty and freedom in verse 23

I see how powerful it can be

Yet I try to flee

To hide

To hide my heart and oppress my mind

But today I realize the only way to be truly free is to be humbled, laid bare, and wholly me

So instead of choosing to flee

I choose to strip off every mask

Allowing eyes to see past the walls I built to guard myself

But now I choose to be laid bare

Search me, O God, and know my heart

Test me and know my anxious thoughts

See if there is any offensive way in me

And lead me in the way everlasting

See me and know me

And through that, set me free

Free to be me

Fully see, fully known, and fully set free.