Anticipation.

I anticipate the beauty of learning to embrace what is, not what could or would or should be. Living fully in the moment, participating in the in-breaking of the Light that cuts through the darkness.Uncertainty lies ahead, a road with twists and turns that skew the view that I feel entitled to have access to. A path of unknowns, of beautiful people and unforeseen knowledge, learned from those who I’d least expect. Things only received through putting oneself in a position of humility, with open eyes and minds ready to wrestle, to get into a tussle with that which we think we know and the true depth of reality as it is and will always will be.

As I pack up what I own to take the first steps on this unknown road, I hear the faint yet ever increasing drone of a noise that I can’t seem to shake, no matter what measures I take to ignore it. The sound grows louder still, until it becomes unbearable and begins to crush me with the weight of its immensity. My natural  propensity is to run, my instinctive tendency is to hide. Yet I know this weight will soon destroy me if it is not addressed, no matter where I go it will follow, forever haunting me and robbing of the joy that’s been promised and given me. So I finally work up the courage to allow myself to see the shadow looming over my small figure, and I turn to face that unidentified beast that I immediately recognize as fear. With eyes that have been opened to see what this impending form truly is and courage to face it with the strength of one who’s bones have been filled with Truth, Love and Fire, I begin to crawl into this monsters home....My own mind... to shed light on the paralyzing unknown.

The reason this darkness has been following me is because I had not yet been willing to crawl into my own mind, to see what lies there and the hidden things that I refuse to name and call mine. Before I was terrified at the thought of even exploring what could lurk in the shadows of my own being, what I could possibly cross, but something’s different. Something’s changed. I’ve been given the grace to face what relishes in the abyss that I’ve only been breeding by feeding with lies.

But now I have a weapon. I have the Light that cuts through any darkness, slicing it with the strength of a Lion’s canines. The darkness stands no chance against this sword, against this illumination which some call Christ, some Light, and some simply Truth.

With the Light that absolutely penetrates all of the darkest shadows that prowl in the deepest corners of my being I can enter with confidence, ready to recognize that which has been unknowingly mine the whole time but I have not had the courage to name.

So as I turn to face this beast of fear, I crawl into it, willing to examine what is truly there, what lies at the root of this paralyzing fear that I know has no place in a child of Light. On my hands and knees I enter, treading through the tunnels of chaos and destruction that make their homes in the midst of this beast of fear's lair.

But somethings different this time. I’m no longer overwhelmed and overtaken by the hopelessness that lives here, it no longer chokes me and I no longer struggle to breathe. Because with this divine Light I can see past these shadows into the reality that lies behind them. I see that which I’ve lived in yet not known what to name. But in the end they really all grow from the same tap root. Fear of my brother. Fear of myself. Fear of not knowing and being proved wrong. Fear of getting lost on this long long string of thought, of being uncomfortable, of coming to naught, being timid and alone and ashamed to be my true self.

Fear enveloping me but I’ve learned it must flee in the presence of Truth. For there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear and that Love has been made manifest. So fear must leave and rest must enter the scene. For all of these limbs of the beast of fear are ripped apart when the root is  recognized and cut to nothing with the robust blade of the sword. Lack of trust.

So I will walk forward, one step at a time, with the ever glowing light of Truth always before me, illuminating the road characterized by unknowns. But they don’t scare me anymore, for I know now how darkness will never overcome the Light. So I walk forward with confidence, not in my own feet, but in the light that’s the Light of Life.

With confidence, we walk bravely into the unknown.