Warmth.

What warmth greets us at the entrance of my good uncle’s home. What hospitality exudes from the kind heart of a man who lives alone yet in the presence of the God of healing Love. His countenance so joyful, his eyes full of life, it’s a gift to be able to rest in his presence. A hot meal awaits, prepared by loving hands that have been through so much yet still stand for the art of giving. A soul who still loves living. His house decorated with all kinds of toys, all of the things that are usually held dear by little boys who find joy in the simplest of cartoons. Movies a plenty and history from all around surround us as we enter this house. We’re greeted by stories of people and places, of times and faces that have never been nor will be forgot. Laughs infuse with cigar smoke and memories to fill the room, permeating even the coldest of hearts to break in with that light that I’ve been thinking about.

There’s potential for this place to be filled with hate, to be filled with depression and darkness, but the man who resides here has refused to let it overtake him and has instead pressed into the Light of Life, choosing to find joy in the trials that bite at his very physical being. He has every reason to curse God, to become bitter and shut down in a society where we so value efficiency and activity, yet he chooses joy. He has chosen to see the blessing and ignore what  some say about the worthlessness of a life less one thing, missing the fully functioning idol we know as the body.

With each day he’s getting progressively worse, but his face is set stalwart on the beauty in this curse, finding refuge in the cliché saying that God does indeed know best.

As I listen to him tell of his travels and experiences, there’s a deep satisfaction I hear in the tone of his voice, a deep peace found in the aura of his being that seems so out of place for one who’s had to face such difficulty. But it’s definitely there. It radiates from that leather chair in which he sits in the corner near the pile of black and milds that incessantly occupy his mouth. That joy and love of life, that nonsensical thanksgiving and attitude of genuine gratitude mingle gently together with the pleasant aroma of pipe tobacco as the words of his life are spoken, creating sweet pictures of who he is and where he’s been. His wheelchair sitting in the background, I’m simply listening, for there are so many stories to tell and to share among those who are willing to invite others into the sacred yet soft place of their past.

As I sit here in the upper room, my brother sleeps silently, there’s rest in the sound of him breathing so deeply, inhaling the fragrance of life that this man pours out as he simply lives in surrender, choosing joy in Jesus as opposed to the bitterness and stress that the world would expect from one in such a mess of chaos.

Oh it’s amazing the things you’ll notice when you offer your eyes to be opened. This is just the first of many whom I know I’ll meet on this journey into the unknown. And the funny thing is he’s been my uncle all along.

A Slight Shift.

It’s strange, I truly want to know my family now. Something has shifted within me that makes me want to hear their lives, their stories, their hopes and dreams. I want to hear, I want to learn now to love them. I’ve never really wanted this before, but now I wish I would have listened to grandma tell stories of childhood, grandpa tell stories of the war, and great grandma speak of life in the years of the Depression. But I didn’t care then. And now it’s too late. I can never get that time back, I can never resurrect those stories to life, to pass onto those I will meet. They were buried with my grandparents, lost in their minds. But I can learn from my mistake. I don’t want to waste any more time, using family vacations as times to catch up on reading. Books will always be, but time with my family is rare indeed, a newly treasured luxury. Its not always easy to listen with patience, to get over my own selfishness in order to hear and learn what I could never learn anywhere else.

Their words are like a painting, each phrase is a stroke on this giant mural of life, each thought a stitch in the quilt of history, something that can never be recreated even with all the other stories. Each is unique. Without one, the quilt is incomplete, the mural isn’t quite as neatly finished. But then again it’s never finished. It’s always being painted by the colors of our experiences. So I don’t want to lose them, I don’t want to lose them in the muddied waters I tread up with careless thoughts. I want to treasure each stroke, embracing it for what it is.

So let this adventure of beauty continue, just in a new venue. With the beautiful setting of the Appalachian Trail…Brother, Father, Sister, Mother. Give us eyes to see.

Anticipation.

I anticipate the beauty of learning to embrace what is, not what could or would or should be. Living fully in the moment, participating in the in-breaking of the Light that cuts through the darkness.Uncertainty lies ahead, a road with twists and turns that skew the view that I feel entitled to have access to. A path of unknowns, of beautiful people and unforeseen knowledge, learned from those who I’d least expect. Things only received through putting oneself in a position of humility, with open eyes and minds ready to wrestle, to get into a tussle with that which we think we know and the true depth of reality as it is and will always will be.

As I pack up what I own to take the first steps on this unknown road, I hear the faint yet ever increasing drone of a noise that I can’t seem to shake, no matter what measures I take to ignore it. The sound grows louder still, until it becomes unbearable and begins to crush me with the weight of its immensity. My natural  propensity is to run, my instinctive tendency is to hide. Yet I know this weight will soon destroy me if it is not addressed, no matter where I go it will follow, forever haunting me and robbing of the joy that’s been promised and given me. So I finally work up the courage to allow myself to see the shadow looming over my small figure, and I turn to face that unidentified beast that I immediately recognize as fear. With eyes that have been opened to see what this impending form truly is and courage to face it with the strength of one who’s bones have been filled with Truth, Love and Fire, I begin to crawl into this monsters home....My own mind... to shed light on the paralyzing unknown.

The reason this darkness has been following me is because I had not yet been willing to crawl into my own mind, to see what lies there and the hidden things that I refuse to name and call mine. Before I was terrified at the thought of even exploring what could lurk in the shadows of my own being, what I could possibly cross, but something’s different. Something’s changed. I’ve been given the grace to face what relishes in the abyss that I’ve only been breeding by feeding with lies.

But now I have a weapon. I have the Light that cuts through any darkness, slicing it with the strength of a Lion’s canines. The darkness stands no chance against this sword, against this illumination which some call Christ, some Light, and some simply Truth.

With the Light that absolutely penetrates all of the darkest shadows that prowl in the deepest corners of my being I can enter with confidence, ready to recognize that which has been unknowingly mine the whole time but I have not had the courage to name.

So as I turn to face this beast of fear, I crawl into it, willing to examine what is truly there, what lies at the root of this paralyzing fear that I know has no place in a child of Light. On my hands and knees I enter, treading through the tunnels of chaos and destruction that make their homes in the midst of this beast of fear's lair.

But somethings different this time. I’m no longer overwhelmed and overtaken by the hopelessness that lives here, it no longer chokes me and I no longer struggle to breathe. Because with this divine Light I can see past these shadows into the reality that lies behind them. I see that which I’ve lived in yet not known what to name. But in the end they really all grow from the same tap root. Fear of my brother. Fear of myself. Fear of not knowing and being proved wrong. Fear of getting lost on this long long string of thought, of being uncomfortable, of coming to naught, being timid and alone and ashamed to be my true self.

Fear enveloping me but I’ve learned it must flee in the presence of Truth. For there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear and that Love has been made manifest. So fear must leave and rest must enter the scene. For all of these limbs of the beast of fear are ripped apart when the root is  recognized and cut to nothing with the robust blade of the sword. Lack of trust.

So I will walk forward, one step at a time, with the ever glowing light of Truth always before me, illuminating the road characterized by unknowns. But they don’t scare me anymore, for I know now how darkness will never overcome the Light. So I walk forward with confidence, not in my own feet, but in the light that’s the Light of Life.

With confidence, we walk bravely into the unknown.

It began centuries ago, but it continues today.

Undeservingly blessed. What beautiful grace. What joy to have an opportunity like this, to experience life outside what's comfortable. To see the Kingdom breaking in across the world.
I walk in expectation that I will be given the strength to grasp how high, how long, how deep, and how wide is the love of Jesus, in expectation that I will be changed. That I will come back and those around me will be changed. To embrace solitude. To savor friendship and community. To grow humility and gain eyes to see reality as it is.
So here will be some thoughts. Some revelations. Some insights that God has granted me into life. Nothing new, only worded differently than those who have gone before. Formulated along a road of adventure and inexplicable joy and peace. The more I know, the more I know I don't know. So here's a little of what I am slowly coming to know, and a lot of what I am excited to learn. But in the meantime, enjoying the mystery of the unknown.