Count it all as loss.

Looking back at where I’ve been, I can’t help but be filled with a strong and deep thankfulness. I’ve lived a pretty good life thus far, been blessed with more that I ever asked for.

I find myself at times getting stuck in the rut that I need to do and see more, and other times in the pit that fills with viscous self-pity when I can’t get my eyes off poor old me.

But I’ve been so undeservingly blessed in the places I’ve gone and the people I’ve met. I grew up in a house of broken people, but not a broken family. I never really knew my grandparents, but I have two parents who love me. I was encouraged by them throughout my childhood years, given opportunities to explore passions and overcome fears as I stepped into the unknown. I received a good education where I was safe both inside and out of the classroom. I had many dear friends who walked beside me. I got to run with a team and learn from those around me. I graduated at the top of my class and had many opportunities to study wherever I wanted to study. I graduated college with no student debt, finishing in 3 years and getting to study abroad at that. I have traveled to many countries, getting a tiny glimpse into other cultures and peoples, serving and exploring, learning and growing in perspective each time I left my country. I’ve gotten to travel by plane more times than I can count, ate more types of food than I can count, gotten to explore new places more times than I can count. I’ve had a brother who constantly encourages me, friends who have gone before and can speak life into me, and have learned so much about God, the world, and myself.

Yes, there have been hard times, mental struggles, and disappointments in my life, but I often forget how good I have it. Maybe the deeper struggle is yet to come, and I pray this time is preparing me to come out of it stronger and deeper than I could ever imagine.

But what I so often fail to see I have caught a glimpse of now: how undeservingly I have been blessed. Yet I count it all as loss….