The Power of a B

Maybe mom was right

Maybe I should have gotten a B

Maybe it would have better prepared me

Maybe mom was right

Maybe it wasn’t all a good thing that everything came fairly easy for me

Maybe I needed the exposure mentally

Maybe I should have gotten a B

I’ve had a life that’s been pretty easy, with things going quite smoothly,

Maybe I should have gotten a B

It’s a struggle, maybe a struggle that’s unnecessary, but I’m just gonna be blunt.

I’m not used to difficulty, for things to be a challenge for me.

I’m used to being at the top. At least academically. I’m used to at least being decent at whatever I try. And it’s my pride that hates not being the best. That needs affirmation of my abilities. It’s my pride that wants to be the best at everything I do and gets frustrated when I’m not.

Maybe mom was right.

Maybe it would have been better if I had been humbled earlier, if I would have experienced difficulty in the things that matter to me.

Maybe life would be different, easier even, if I had gotten a B

But that’s not how it went. So now I struggle. I struggle with the reality that I’m not good at everything and will never be. With the reality that other people are better than me. And that that’s okay. I need to come to terms with that or my hunger for affirmation and proving myself will kill me from the inside out. And that hunger blinds me to the things I’m actually gifted in, the abilities I should be humbly rejoicing in.

Mom, maybe you were right.

So good thing Paul is getting enough Bs for the both of us J